they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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