Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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