You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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