hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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