I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
