My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
