I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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