Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
