Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
