just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know her cup size but not her name....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
