A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
