last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
