worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
