Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
