dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
