Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
