it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
