Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
