carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
