when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
