I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize