She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
