U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
