Four minutes until I can fart!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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