Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
