So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
