you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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