Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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