Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
