i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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