Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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