hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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