you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
