awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
