True but thats because hes a fetus.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
