wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
