real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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