have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
