Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
