i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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