Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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