Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
