i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize