Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
