is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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