can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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