I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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