We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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