Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
