Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
