Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
