i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
