Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
