sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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