in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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