Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
