So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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