Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
