dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
