he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
