Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
