Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
