You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So vagazzling was a success
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
